Sharon's Guide to Watching Hallmark Christmas Movies

During the holidays, I frequently hear people lamenting that they don’t have more time to get things done.  Well, I’m here to help!  In no time at all, I can save you approximately 31 days.  That’s right, 31 WHOLE DAYS!  How, you ask?  You see, after doing some research and analysis during a recent illness, I’ve created a handy dandy guide to the Hallmark Christmas movies.  By following this step-by-step guide, you will no longer have to watch an entire movie.  You can simply watch the first five minutes to get the general gist of the plot and then use my guide to fill in the blanks.  Voila!  Just like that, you’re no longer camped out in front of your TV in your Snuggie sipping hot cocoa.  All of the time you would’ve dedicated to watching the endless days of schmaltzy movies can now be used for spending time with friends and family!

Sharon’s Guide to Watching Hallmark Christmas Movies - Each movie will more or less contain each of the following elements:

1.     Central female character

2.  A dilemma of some sort.  E.g. factory closing, business being sold to non-Christmas loving ogre, person fired from job, transportation issues (car, plane, sleigh, etc).

3.   Long-term family conflict that is unresolved.  E.g. Estrangement from parent(s), envious sister, conniving cousin, etc.

4.     Central male character who is, for some reason, unattainable by the central female character.  E.g. #4 engaged to other female, #1 engaged to other male, #4 total opposite of #1, #4 from a different familial background that would not approve of #1, etc.

5.     Fake snow.  Lots and lots of fake snow.

6.   A situation in which #1 falls and is caught by #4 and/or #1 has food on her face and has to have it gently wiped away by #4.

7.     Said situation in #6 will contribute to growing feelings of love between #1 and #4.

8.     #1 and/or #4 will share confidences with a quirky family member and/or Santa.

9.  A town that is bizarrely obsessed with Christmas with loads of parades, festivals, tree lightings, cookie baking contests, etc.  Town will attempt to be Stars Hollowesque, but not quite get there for fans of the Gilmore Girls.

10.  Something will cause #1 and/or #4 to leave.  E.g. New job, misunderstanding that #1/#4 is not in love with #1/#4.

11.  A very forgiving fiancé of #1 and/or #4, if plot includes previously-engaged party, will immediately understand and accept that #1/#4 have fallen in love with each other and gracefully exit stage right.

12.  #1 and/or #4 will learn of the misunderstanding and immediately return to make amends with #1 and/or #4.

13.  Epic family conflict (see #3) will be completely resolved within three minutes with no long-term counseling needed.

14.  #1 and #4 will profess love for one another.

15.  There may or may not be a wedding in spite of the fact that #1 and #4 have never actually dated.

16.  #1 and #4 will kiss.

17.  The End.

Hope you find this guide helpful!  Stay tuned for my helpful guides to watching Fixer Upper and Flip or Flop.

The Unexpected Gift of Re-gifting

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”  We’ve certainly all heard the saying, but I can’t tell you who said it first.  Each year around this time lots of jokes are made about re-gifting presents that you don’t like to others.  Personally, I don’t have a problem with that if it's done with the right intentions.  In my opinion, the person who gave it to you wants the gift to be put to good use.  If you’re just going to hide it away and forget about it, why not give it to someone who will appreciate it? 

When I was 16 years old, I spent a year abroad as an exchange student in Germany.  I went from being a city girl in Texas to living in a village of 800 people in a valley north of the Alps. As one might imagine, the weather was a little different and my thin Texas blood was not keeping me warm.  One day I received a package from home and it contained two wool sweaters from my grandmother.  They were officially the most hideous sweaters I had ever seen.  I felt so ungrateful that she had gone to so much trouble to buy them and ship them to me, and I could not bring myself to wear them.  One of them was hunter green with a giant bear with little plastic googly eyes that moved around on the front of it.  I don’t even remember what the second sweater looked like.  All I knew is that I would not be caught dead wearing either one of them.

My plan was to stuff them in the back of my dresser for the year and “accidentally” forget to bring them home with me.  In November 1989, the Berlin Wall came down and people began flooding from East Germany to West Germany with very few belongings.  Friends of my host parents arrived at our house with their two daughters and each of them only had as much as they could personally carry in a paper bag.  The daughters were about the same age as I was and they were completely fascinated to meet an American teenager on one of their first days of freedom.

They spent hours in my room looking at my stuff, playing my music, and trying on my clothes.  As they dug through my dresser looking at my “American” things, one of the girls found that stupid bear sweater that I had worked so hard to conceal.  Her eyes lit up and she asked if she could try it on.  She slipped into the sweater, looked at herself in the mirror and smiled from ear-to-ear.  Without a second thought, I asked her if she would like to have it.  She was dumbstruck.  She could not believe that I would simply give my sweater away.  I assured her that it was fine and I found something else to give her sister so she wouldn’t feel left out.

My guilt over disliking the sweater was immediately washed away.  I made someone happy.  That was the gift to me.  The silly bear sweater had not been abandoned in a dresser and gone to waste.  While it was certainly not my grandmother’s intention to clothe strangers when she sent me those sweaters, her gift to me had resulted in a gift to others.  I did not suffer or go without when I gave away those items.  In fact, I gained a memory that endures.

During this season and throughout the year, I think it’s important to remember how privileged we are and that we have an opportunity to make others happy.  It might not come in the form of re-gifting a silly sweater, but, one way or the other, you’ll be given a chance to brighten someone’s day.  Take the chance and run with it.  It’s a far better gift than the one you’ll find at the mall.  As the saying goes, “It’s the thought that counts.”

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, my friends.